Where am I? what is this? So new...so  different.

Sept 19th, 2003

-First and foremost on my mind right now...when did carrot top discover creatine?  And what is the point really?  Have you seen him recently? I can't be the only person bearing witness to this transformation.  Is it really a goal to be the buffest prop comic ever?  Is it really necessary? Remember when Joe Piscapo did the same thing?  I'm baffled every time time I see him on TV.  The surgery, the cheekbones, the added 40 pounds of muscle, the waxed "perma-devil" eyebrows.  Is it me or is he actually becoming scary looking, like end of a video game level "mob boss" scary?  What gives?  I still don't understand.  Did he need to start protecting himself after the boo's after a non-funny moment, which is every breathing moment he lives?

-Which brings me to other famous buff/shocking appearances.  It's time for the new fall season.  I and love how seeing how the sitcom actors spend they're months off.  some get pregnant, some vacation, some grow facial hair, .some gain an abundant amount of weight,  It becomes even more humorous on season finale cliff hangers where the story will continue in the fall.  Same plot same set, but the actors don't take part in the continuum of this.  Some go to some tropical island and get the darkest tan ever...(fez from 70's show) and nullify any continuity of the story with this distraction.

-The little girl from Growing pains being a baby her first season, and three months later during the new season is packing her lunchbox for kindergarten.  Ben also falls into the same aforementioned category of hitting the Pube button during the hiatus.  One day he's playing with G.I. Joe, and the next episode he is G.I Joe.  And while we're at growing pains....

-It was pretty much a gimmie that all guys my age had two fantasy girls growing up.  Winnie Cooper and Alyssa Milano.  Those two were responsible for many of us guys realizing that we can someday, become men.  But after one slip of the tongue I admitted that my dark horse crush was on carol Seaver.  And much to my shock, instead of being thrashed with insults, my cohorts all chimed in and also admitted this.  Upon further surveying with other friends, they all too had this.  And after googling her image, I still have yet to find a reason why.  Wasn't the sweaters.  Wasn't the nerdy ness.  Such a puzzle.

-What I grew during my summer vacation.  Would have been a great paper.

-Remember Zack Morris? yes, the adorable zack morris, and his trusty buff/jock sidekick slater? Do I even need to ask that question?  Well zack was the skinny pretty boy guy, then the College years came.  Did Bob Golic RA give zack 3 three cycles worth of andro along with his dorm key?  It was shocking.  He made Slater look like cousin Larry! This through the entire balance off of the kid show formula, thus sending the show to a downward spiral just like his tainted urine sample being flushed.

-Mark August 23 2004 on your calendar, that's when ashton kutcher’s "Where are they Now?" special on VH1 is going to air.

-Random thought. I just remembered that one of the things kids elementary) used do on they’re peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, they put ketchup on it. Is there any other person out they’re that has witnessed this?

-Ok, my sophomoric comment of the day. Do you think that one of the Harry potter books when he’s in high school could be subtitled "Harry Pubes"?

-Someone asked me a question a while back on what was it like to use holes in the ground as bathrooms in morocco. Best way to describe it was "crouching tiger clinched fist". that joke would have killed two years ago. But honestly I’ll take that any day over elementary school public restrooms. There’s a reason why teachers have they’re own.

-The bi-coastal attitude still gets me. If your not familiar with it. It’s the attitude that west coast and east coast people have towards the rest of the country. It’s as if the rest of the country doesn’t exists.

-New Yorkers have an extremely bi-coastal thought. When they make fun of people from Kansas they automatically talk with a southern accent. And then they bring up a story about onetime being in Atlanta for some reason. Kansas is 800 miles and about a 16 hour drive from Atlanta. The real kicker is them impersonating a person from Minnesota or the north...cause they’ll still use they’re southern redneck accent.

-Next time you see footage of Michael Jackson, check out his hands. They’re monstrous, I swear they’re as long as is head. And you ever wonder what the hell he’s protecting his fingers from with all that tape.?

-It’s summer, I’m tan. I’m also in New York. So apparently I’m also Puerto Rican.

-When did goldfish crackers get smiley faces? People need to tell me these things

-My cell phone doesn't’ take pictures. It doesn’t record anything. It doesn’t play music. Doesn’t have video games. It’s the Atari of cell phones, it’s one model above the rotary phone with the curly chord.

-If I were to own a bar in Chicago, it would be named, "Da’Beers!"

-Packets of raw sugar could quite be possibly more useless than Ashton Kutcher. It doesn’t dissolve and make anything better either.

=Which NFL franchise going to be the first to step up to the plate and sign Ben Gay?

-I have some doodles of a swarm of little sperm wearing bowties in my notebook. They’ve been there for 2 months now and I still can’t figure out why.

-Even though it was last week. On the OC, one of the rich kids pull out a gun and proceeds to hold the gun a la gangsta style, cocked sideways.  When did the world come to this? Has anyone yet realized that vertical is the proper hold?  And how did this trend follow itself to the world that is the OC?

-My nomination Steve's most beautiful woman in the world for September) is the new Playtex girls that jumps up and down in her Playtex attire, 'cause she's advertising Playtex.

-And the girl that takes the "hot/cute miscast actress cause she just got her sag card and hasn't hit it big yet" award goes to the really cute cashier in Burger Kings 3meals for $3.