April 8th 2003

When I’m bored and want to pass the time go to personals on yahoo, you can be literally entertained for 87 straight hours reading these.  

First off, I’m not bagging on people that use personal ads at alum unlike the people that wear those J-Lo velour suits.  That’s inexcusable.  I’m sure many people have found lost loves and intimate partners, if not friends from starting off on the internet.  It’s fine.  It’s just a different approach, I just feel that most of these ads 99.5% of them are terrible.  They’re bad resumes with 3 years of emotional scarring in between the lines; and yes I’m laughing at them.  The sad thing is, most of have terrible resumes. Let’s start off with a quickie.  

Digitalcity.com- used to pop open with AOL.  It's l not much of a personal site.  Seems like genuine people looking for a nice time.  Best part about this section is “Discreet Encounters”  Now in this world of  accessible information and with the internet world able to spread everything around like wild fire (except for my site) this is a little simple, easy way to just laugh.  Just click on discreet encounters.  You’ll see what I mean, especially the pictures, of which I’ll go into later.

 Your Intro

 Like I was saying before with a personal ad there is always a heading, Similar to a Goal Objective, actually it could be if besides your picture, this is your pitch.  

Here are some examples of Headings I was able to find within 15 minutes. In the women looking for men section, please do not drink while reading.  

-‘Firefighter looking for flames’

-‘Hot Latina chili seeking tall drink of water to cool her down.’

-‘Blonde chef looking for new cuisine.’

So creative.  The sad part is, is that I guarantee that one of their girlfriends thought of some of them thinking that it would lure men being cute, creative and witty when you don’t need two.

This is just the tip of the iceberg people there are thousands and my personal favorite

-‘Dancer/Scientist looking for companion.’

 If I could count the number of times I looked up to the sky and said,” I wish, someday I could find me a dancing scientist, my life would be complete” I would be considered a mute.

“Looking for someone to go to the Yankees with.”

Good and bad.  Good cause it’s an immediate draw and determines the goal upfront.  Few words that say so much.  She likes sports, she’s from New York and she wants a sports fan kind of guy. 

She’s evil though cause she’s a Yankee fan.

Over the rest of the personal ads things get a little more humorous.  You type in your height, age, social and other physical traits. That you require for your companion.  And you  can choose height ranging from 3 ‘1 to 7 “11.  I have scoured the earth looking for a 7 ’11 woman let alone one placing a personal ad.  But if you do, I'm not sure if you should tell me or not, I might go into shock.  But it’s nice to know that Yahoo! Is looking out for  the freakishly tall people of this world.

At the end of the ad you get to put a little more info describing yourself and such…this is where some people go waaaaaaaaaaay overboard.

I personally like to find the foreign personal ads from people who still have trouble with typing the English language (save the grammar comments)  it would be like my mom putting up one of these ads when she was single.

“I actress and model.  I go dance. I do fun thing. I have fun….”

The scary

“Let’s be together…forever”

 This is not a way to get a man women.  It’s a double whammy, we don’t know what your trying to do scare us with your psychotic ness or scare us with your Rick Ashtley knowledge