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Episode Sahm. That’s the number 2 in Thai.
From past experience, the cast used to get episodes
a few days before they were actually aired. This was to prepare us, the
cast members, for whatever reason, of any unforeseen incidences and/or
instances in which we could maybe tell our parents, friends, family,
beforehand to warn them or just get a firm grip on ourselves and obtain a
sense of calm. But then this whole internet bonanza shebang thing with
personal websites and posting of episode recaps before they actually
happened struck fear, actually, more of an annoyance into the PTB’s hide.
Thus recaps, by all of us will be late. We now see the episodes when
they’re broadcast
“He sank like a stone!” Am I the only one who
enjoys Sarah saying this quote as much as I? BMP does to they showed in
both episodes.
Sing with me.
(chorus)
I want to be a (slight pause) rock star!
Something something rock star!
28 reality TV people trying to be Ac-tars
Way up in the back bar.
Ok, just noticed. They’re out to get me. I’m
slowly being faded out of BMP. It’s becoming more and more apparent. I
had to rewind the tape during the opening credits. I just have to laugh,
but they’d probably cut that out in editing. I don’t even get a shot-cut
two frames-cut back to me type of shot shot. They’re even out to get me
in the intro, No bad close up with a little “Steve” banner underneath him.
I should write a letter.
This episode begs many questions of which will be on
your final next Friday. Be prepared and bring three number two pencils
with you and take notes during today’s lesson please.
The first clip, of course, features scantily clad
Reality people drinking. It’s during the first two days. After the third
or fourth day the inflatable hot tub was pretty much devoid of use. It
got dirty extremely dirty after a while, after getting vast amount of
alcohol dropped in it the first two days and being soiled with reality
cooties. Flies were around it all the time. Insert any joke here.
Mike brings out the beer bong before we even land.
As if to say,” Look! I’ve brought out a beer bong” which foreshadows many
of the nights ahead.
How much can Real World/Road Rules people Drink?
Quite a bit, still trying to figure out what
type of measuring device for readings, Do you just count the alcohol
content of the drinks? When there was toughly 7 million gallons of Rum,
Tequila, Vodka, and Gin, with a spattering of maybe 10 cases of Corona and
Bud Light there to help ease our transition back into reality TV. Great
use of being coy to get something to happen.
They love to drink. I do not say we, because
I became fazed out of the reality TV drinking phase a while ago. It’s
addicting. These people party. A lot. Not that they are to blame. It
gets addicting, I go into details a little later.
But sometimes after watching experiencing it for a
little bit. You’d think that after a while, they just intravenously take
them him.
They broke into the “What’s this taste like?” game
on only the second day.
Not sure what I’m talking about? “Whets this taste
like?” is a classic ritual. Also known as “Try This” or “Dude, I’m
experimenting.” Everyone has played this game at one point or another.
Normally practiced in a dorm room on a weekend blitzkrieg or the tail end
of spring break, this game consists of alcohol and whatever consumable
liquid that typically isn’t mixed with alcohol. When everyone’s plastered
and the normal mixers like cola, OJ, tonic water, club soda, cranberry are
all dried up, it’s when WTTL comes in to play. And you’ll get a bevy of
concoctions such as the “bailey’s beer bomb” “the tequila milk-mixer”
“Goldsleager and Raspberry Lipton's shotacular” and of course my personal
favorite “Everything available mixed together”
The resulting consequences are never good. Only
idiotic things occur when engaging in this game, nothing good will ever
come out. WTTL comes to its apex is when, EVERY alcohol is mixed
together to form the mega-ultra-WTTL beverage. One of such moment
occurred with 4 buddies of mine 4 years ago at Padre. It was our 5th
day of debauchery, and there were 18 bottles of assorted liquors and
liqueurs on our hotel table. The chemists mixed all the bottles that had
maybe a shot or two left in the bottles, with 6-8 types of schnapps,
Baileys’, Kahlua, bloody Mary mix etc. and take it to the pool for
communal sharing. We all had to take a shot and one random guy from parts
unknown, and of course a freshman, took 5 huge swigs of it. And we
watched…nothing. It was scary. It was like knowing a monstrous traffic
accident was going to happen on the iced road. You see the cars swerve
back and forth in front of you. Your eyes widen and you’re scared.
Everything’s in slow motion. We all had done the bitter beer face when we
sampled, but this…this freshman. Just threw it back like a 5 year old
downing milk. And shrugged it off…that is until 10 minutes later, the guy
jumps out of his beach chair screams his Fraternity letters, jumps
headfirst into the 3 ft shallow part of the pool, breaks his nose on the
bottom, gets 32 stitches on his forehead, two black eyes, and forces the
hotel to close the pool for the remainder of the week. Like I said. It’s
never pretty.
This time, Nathan’s exotic blends of Gatorades,
sugar, vodka, and frozen seltzer fuzzies became a smash hit of the house.
With Adam celebrating so much by jumping off banisters and hanging over
the railings three stories high all while talking with the people from 911
asking them to find his friend Timmy to tell him how much he enjoyed
Nathan’s concoctions. He didn’t yell his frat letters though.
What makes it even funnier is that for some reason.
People still had to feel classy while drinking WTTL. Usually served in
paper cups, straight from the bottle, or used big gulps containers, some
people still insisted on drinking them in wine glasses. They took it to a
new level.
Nathan’s frozen seltzer fuzzies. Don’t be stupid and
make this if you are under 21, that is thus my disclaimer….
4 parts Gatorade Riptide Rush to one part vodka, and
a splash of seltzer. blend with ice. Serve in wine glass to drunk reality
TV person. Umbrella optional.
Reasons why RR/RW people drink so much?
1.It’s the lifestyle.
Many of them live in LA and don’t have real jobs.
They give speeches at colleges and drink. They do appearances at bars and
drink. Work at restaurants/bars…and drink. Some live in NYC. And from
my observations here, NYC people love to drink. For of them it’s almost a
daily thing. And the fact that many of them do speeches at colleges where
beer is cheaper than bottled water. It becomes the norm.
2. They pretty much have nothing in common with
each other for the most part.
These people are the seasoned veterans.
They’ve fought more times than Koopa and Mario. With these challenges
most of the time, they’re done fighting. They got all of it out on the
show It gets tiring but honestly, there are a lot less fights when people
are drunk than when they are sober. The tolerance level rises when
wasted. I honestly don’t think we can all handle ourselves with each other
if everyone was sober. There’s should be some type of theory with this
Growing up, like many places, places were always
segregated, by either race, hobbies, lifestyle etc. But there were always
three things that brought people together; sports, weed, and beer. This
is no exception.
3. Drinking leads to justifiable reasons to hook
up.
This “excuse” has been around since Norm and
the Rest of RWBC helped build Atlantis. When you’re young, horny, on
vacation….
“What ever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
The creed that all spring breakers, vacationers and
bachelor parties live by. Unfortunately it’s slightly different when a
challenge is involved
“What ever happens in Telluride, stays in
Telluride…for three months; before it gets broadcast on national
television by 5 million people.
Remember the really popular clique in High School.
The popular guy #3 dated the popular girl #5. And they all hung out with
popular people numbers 1-10? When girl #5 would break up with boy #3,
there was already boy #2 to take his place and girl #7 to take hers, it’s
almost incestual. Well that’s what it’s like. I’m not saying it’s bad,
good, or whatever. I’m just stating an observation.
This answer your questions? No? well. That’s ok. I
don’t know the exact answer either.
What do you guys talk about when drinking and
running around in bathing suits?
Drinking. And how much they drank the time before.
I’m serious. It’s basically one of two topics.
The other topic. I swear to god. Reality TV.
That’s seems to be a bulk of a crapload of discussions. The Bachelor,
Paris Hilton, the Osborne’s, etc.
Okay back to the episode.
The naked bathtub. Comfortable nakedness
Theo eye patch: Reminds of a joke. You heard about
the new pirate movie? It’s rated ARRR! Hey I didn’t say it was a good
joke.
Let’s cut to Elka/Montana.
Elka/Montana: my thoughts on being old, huge
We’re old. I’m the oldest road ruler. I’m 26 and
I’m two years older than Roni who was on RR5. RR5!! I’m older than Elka
and she was on RW 6. Age wise it goes Norm, Montana then me and
Nathan! Honestly. These people love to party. Many of them are
college age. Many are college dropouts but the only socialization they
really know how to do as adults is to keep on partying like rock stars in
college. There’s a huge difference in responsibility and maturity
between a 24 year old college graduate who’s had a job for two years and a
24 year reality TV person in LA. To each they’re own though. I think
there’s a huge stagnation period that we all experience. We can grow up
and mature during the show, but to be set off balance by the life it can
lead. And being in between the Montana and young kids, you can relate to
both sides.
Quick observation- Montana loves the “like”
Why in the hell am I in this one?
I’m still pondering in this one. There’s absolutely
no reason for me to have this many shots of me, still wondering on this
one, multiples, stills and an extended narration, of which I stutter
horribly. Which is a huge no no, which leads me to assume that they were
hard up for quality narration clips from the others.
Why in the hell do people cry so much?
I have still yet to find a plausible answer for
this.
Will I ever wear something with sleeves?
It’s a vacation, meaning: dress like a bum. I have
no need to look nice ever during the missions. More than likely you get
dirty. So what’s the point? It makes me laugh when the girls take a
shower, put they’re bathing suits on, and then spend a half hour on
makeup for the cameras only to later on, milk a cow in a sawdust mill or
something close to that.
Did RW Theo take my spot as the invisible cast
member?
Has he been taking lessons? Did he watch a Quest
marathon? No idea. Actually, Theo during his stay on the gauntlet spent
98% of the time on the phone with his girlfriend, and spent the other 14%
scribbling stuff in his journal. I worked on my simple math.
What does veronica put in as “occupation” on her
1040a? What category does “professional reality TV person” exactly fall
into?
I have yet to ask this question. But I’m still
curious.
Oh, speaking of which. A bar in Telluride had
freestyle rap night on Tuesdays with $2 Jaegermeister specials. No cover
or anything. If you want to laugh so uncontrollably. Please attend it
once. Freestyle Rapping
Please read the above segment one more time.
The Puzzle:
Wittingly named Masquerade by those who consider
themselves witty over at the BMP compound.
Johnny’s Mosley brings us around to the masks, which
of course are on the opposite sides from each other.
It’s pretty simple. Solve it.
Then it cuts to segments from fellow RW and RR on
how they know it already. “We know the puzzle right away.” Crap from
everyone. What makes it funnier is the fact that as Johnny was explaining
it, 24 people had already solved it, within two seconds.
It reminded me of when I used to teach 2nd
grade and ask a question that had a reward if the 7 year old had the
correct answer.
Every kid raised they’re hand knowing full well that
they had no idea what the answer was. 2 out of the 14 knew the answer.
Maybe two more had a general idea of what the answer should be, but the
other 10 had no idea, but the thought of that chupa chup gave them
limitless knowledge that could be conjured up once they had been called
for the answer. And then you pick one at random and you get a resounding,
“Ummmm?”
Nothing.
But yes. RW Rachel and I basically had solved the
puzzle before we even split up into the groups.
Mr. Mosley read the rules out loud and we begin the
obligatory “What we need to do..” speech that we do before every
mission. Much of the conversations start like this…
“We need to focus….”
“This mission is all about teamwork….”
“We want to win THIS one…”
It gets pretty mundane, because you can cut and
paste this discussion and insert it in every single pre-mission speech.
Most of the stuff is already a given. One of the rules I learned in
coaching, is repetition in exercises, but not in speech. People stop
listening after the third time. Some people are so emphatic about it
though. And I think part of it is that they feel like they’re
contributing more to the team. But for some like me, It’s basically
useless words that contribute nothing because everything they say doesn’t
need to be said.
One of my favorite quotes from this particular
pre-mission pep talk from RR Rachel was,
“What we need to do to win this is solve this puzzle
before Real World does!” Am I the only one who finds this funny? What
made it even more so was that our team was listening to her, and they’re
were a couple of them that nodded in agreement as if saying, “Yes, that’s
exactly what we need to do, I’m on the same page”. Alas it’s these golden
nuggets that never get aired.
Back to the mission. Theo and Adam will move the
pieces, and I conduct the moving, with comments from Dave who has a decent
idea of how to do it. The rest of the team will be in the back. We all
have our backs turned to the puzzle
Johnny sounds the horn.
Watch closely this is my particular favorite part of
the episode. It’s short, but if you have the VCR or Tivo in slow motion.
The Veronica turn.
OK. This one is a toughie, all those with Tivo and
those who taped it, put it in slo-mo and you’ll appreciate it more. Right
when the bell goes off. Catch the V come from all the way in the back of
the group-after it’s already been determined that I solved the puzzle and
that Adam and Theo will be the block movers- right when we turn around.
She does some Napoleonic battle move attacking in from the right flank and
goes right up to the puzzle with Theo and Adam. But it gets better.
Right when she gets there. She has no idea what to do. She stumped. She
doesn’t even touch a piece, she puts her hair behind her ears. See the 2nd
grade analogy above. It’s an immediate classic. By far my favorite clip
of the season thus far…
V gets told by Mosley to step back and now she’s in
the front with me.
So we know it’s cut up a little bit. It has me
talking to Theo and Adam telling them where to move everything and what
not, and then the next couple of clips it shows us, all yelling. That
really only happened at the beginning. This wasn’t a type of mission that
everyone had to yell. You drown out the people who are actually helping
the people solve the puzzle, it took a good 20 seconds to explain that to
those that are offering they’re tidbits/and or of yelling.. So the clips
of just me talking was the tail end of us solving it. There was nothing
confusing about it at all.
It’s was like a group of army ants, the workers, the
carpenters, etc.. It was great. After the first 14 seconds of settling
down, it was perfect. The puzzle was basically solved by two moves,
shifting a group of 9 blocks over to the right and down one, and then
replacing the removed section from the right to the left. Get it? Oh
well, it’s really not that important. We win.
Did Steve realize know how off he was on his math
about Theo? Is he really that stupid?
No, wrote it to see if anyone was paying attention.
Did I really have no friends growing up?
Actually I did, his name was Lance. I had to pay him
with fun-dip, but nevertheless he considered me one. But, yes, I was a
nerd, I got puzzles, and an Almanac every year for Christmas.
The point system that I developed. It eliminates
the possibility of sending someone unfairly into the Gauntlet, and my
chances of ever being asked to do a challenge ever again. I can see them
now at the Bat cave’
“May day! May day! It’s Steve! It’s Steve! He’s up
to no good!”
“What’s wrong? He hooking up with Trishelle again?”
“No, not that one. The one from the Quest”
“ Oh yeah, what’s wrong?”
“He developed a system of eliminating people that
actually seems logical and thoughtful eliminating drama!”
“What? How dare he!!! Tag him! Tag him!”
The voting process: Sarah’s still getting screwed.
And I still get 2 people voting for me to go into the Gauntlet. Hmmm
The Gauntlet:
The bull ride operator Adam at the top of his
breath, “Katie when the head goes down you lean back! When it goes up you
Lean forward! (Montana don’t listen to this advice even though your only
15 feet away also!)”
Honestly. It was maybe 8 seconds long. The
multiple camera shots made it seem much longer. Katie had no idea what
she was doing, but Montana knew less. It was by far the worst bull ride
dual I’ve ever seen. Granted I’ve never seen one before but that was a
terrible litmus test for one. The bulls didn’t even buck.
No offense to Katie, but anyone who’s eaten at a
revolving restaurant would have beaten Montana.
Katie’s pissed about getting voted to go in the
Gauntlet. She’s complaining about performance on the last mission. And
that’s how people are voting. I voted based on if we had any other
missions in which a puzzle would be involved then having her would be
moot. Love that word. Best use of it ever it “Jesse’s girl”. But she’s
just pissed.
Another favorite moment during the Katie narration.
“These people are liars” with me in slow motion with a reverse negative
lighting effect. So cute.
-Dear god, how big is my face in the interviews?
I’m not sure. It’s getting bigger every time I see
myself. FFF factor of 9 easily. Might not even be able to fit in the
screen after the next episode.
Katie the fight
So it starts in Telluride. Everyone’s drinking at
the bar. There’s a couple of us that have early interviews in the morning,
including Katie, Matt, myself, and two others. I can’t remember. So we
decide to turn in early so we don’t look like ass and you can only take so
much of people doing Old School/Austin Power quotes and still thinking
it’s creative and funny. When we leave I don’t suspect anything drastic
is going to happen but I feel something is up cause the camera crew is
following us. They’re a lot more people at the bar. And the camera crew
NEVER follows me. I could be with Einstein and Hitler and they wouldn’t
follow me. Something was up. Maybe they heard some talking someone was
about to do in the bar….
So Katie’s ranting and raving about how she hates
everyone on the team, to no one in particular. She then turns to me, “And
especially you mother fucker. I’m pissed at you now. I’m not talking to
you. I know you voted for me! I thought we were friends. I’m going to
tell you off. Later though. I don’t want the cameras around!”
I just nod. There’s a good 3 minutes of silence
while the camera crew follows Katie’s every move. We then get into the
gondolas. The two other people and a light PA are in one. Matt, Katie,
Me, Camera person, and sound engineer equipment and all into the other…..
“You suck!! You fuckin suck! I thought we were
friends!!!”
Katie yells at me with the sound guy in-between us.
I try not to laugh cause he’s getting his right ear drum blown out while
pointing a boom mic in front of Katie. It was humorous. It was pointless
to say anything cause she would just interrupt me, of which, is a huge pet
peeve of mine. I love a good argument, but use parliamentary procedure
please (shout out to ’94 Kentucky Boys State!! Woohoo!).
Cramped Matt just sits there, uncomfortable, partly
cause there’s a camera that’s hitting him in the face and also the fact
that he’s the third wheel on a tricycle that’s going down an embankment at
65 mph.
And Katie’s acting demands skyrockets.
For the next 20 minutes Katie keeps berating me.
And she goes through the usual shortcut walking through the hotel Lobby. I
choose to go around the hotel on the street. She yells at me cause I’m not
a man to talk to her and I just say that, it’s rude to be yelling in a
hotel lobby at 2 in the morning and she spats back like a banshee with,
“OH, who the hell are you to know what being rude is?!” as she walks into
a hotel lobby at 2 in the morning. Love the humor in that.
We meet back up and Katie’s downstairs yelling at
something. And my bed room has just myself and Sarah. We talk for a good
15 minutes of great conversation before Adam comes in with Nathan’s Best,
after the Timmy incident. Absolutely bombed, but past the point of stupid
ness and into the realm of utter and serene calmness. You know the point
right after last call. And everyone kicks off they’re shoes and sits on
the couch for a good 5 minutes in silence, waiting for someone to tell to
try to recollect the last 5 hours but can’t. He was in that mode. But
serenely calm.
It was the first time that Adam and I have talked in
two years. We stopped talking before our show even aired. I won’t go into
much detail but Drunk Adam is a huge reason why we stopped talking.
He actually listened to Sarah and myself quite
surprisingly and pointed out to us that he anointed himself Captain due to
the fact that he’s one the most respected people in the group. Because
of this, he put it upon himself that its his responsibility to try to iron
out any problems that Sarah had with the rest of the group.
I point out that Adam and I aren’t fond of each
other at all but we’re still civil when we see each other, “It’s just
cause we’re exactly alike” he says.
I just open my eyes in amazement that he thinks
that. It’s 4 in the morning and I don’t feel like arguing.
About 10 minutes later Adam gets louder and louder,
only to lure the camera crew into the room. And when there’s a camera,
people are soon to follow. Tina, Veronica, and Rachel use a secret worm
hole to materialize into the room. Then V starts interrupting and fights
with Sarah, and then when fights come, so do more people. It’s so early!!
My interview is in 5 hours!! I don’t want a swollen head in this
interview! Please people go away, go away. Mental telepathy isn’t a power
of mine though. Anyway back to the fight.
So all RRers are in the room now ganging up on each
other. Katie comes into the room to tell me off. Strictly for me, but
for some reason Katie and Veronica start fighting with each other. I’m
looking for a pen to jot down all the quotes, I’ll find them later. It
was pure comedy. But I was still getting sleep deprivation.
My alarm goes off three hours later?
I wake up. Groggy, and wonder into the kitchen and
someone says, “Steve did you taste what Nathan made last night?”
I touch my nose. It’s not broken. |
