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Episode 4
Quick game to play when you watch the reruns of this
particular episode... Count the number of times Katie says, “Like”. My
unofficial wind-aided count was 832. I might be off.
I got the tape a good week after it aired. I watched
the chiefs on MNF instead. 10 million people in this city with hundreds,
if not thousands of sporting good stores in this city, and there isn’t a
single Priest Holmes jersey or a Chiefs hat to be found. I’ve seen a
Kitna, Hasselbeck AND a Troy HAMBRICK JERSEY! I repeat, a Troy Hambrick
jersey, and not a single Priest one. I’ve seen one chief’s hat, it was
ugly. It’s tough trying to support your team when the only bright red
shirt you own is an XXL Tommy Hilfiger polo shirt.
So the official MTV tape is a little more forgiving
on the intro. The cuts and holds on the frames a just a touch longer than
the actual show, they actually show me pinching the buttocks of Sarah, and
gives a little more reason why I weirdly look away when she looks at me.
Okay, back to the episode. The girls are conversing
while I’m on the third floor with RW Rachel downloading programs on the
computer. I knew what was going on with Katie. It was the same
conversation that involved Katie apologizing to all the girls and the plot
to pick out a guy to send to the gauntlet...
This conversation happened actually the day before my
gauntlet appearance. Sarah left after a while when people start
dominating the conversations, of which I’ll have to put in a separate
column.
It’s a big competition for attention in the house.
It can get pretty frustrating being in a house full of people who are used
to getting all the attention in their every day lives, “The ugly girl
syndrome” in college. The average looking drunk girl who flashes guys 15
minutes after last call, when leaving the bar. She’s the same girl who
gets on the bar stool and dances when their prettier friend is getting all
the attention from the guys. They do this to make up for something else
that they’re lacking whatever it is that it might be…ok I’ll stop. I just
said I’d write about that later.
TeeHee, I see veronica’s butt.
I feel like I’m in kindergarten learning remedial
math the more and more I watch the show. Every episode has a basic recap
of every person that’s gone through the gauntlet and left the show.
One RW: We started off with 14 people. We’ve lost
David, Tonya and Montana
Another person Cues: “we have three less people”
They had to work in groups to figure it out.
This mission takes place literally 5 minutes after my
turn into the gauntlet. Hence why I have the same clothes and wear the
head band which leads me to…
Matt, not RWNO, my friend, calls me the other week
when he saw the episode during a rerun.
Matt: “EH”
Steve: “eh”
Matt: “I see you on TV”
Steve; “I’m sexy huh”
Matt: “dude, your fat”
Steve: “But it’s a sexy kind of fat”
Matt: “Hee Hee, Hee Hee
Steve: “why are you laughing?”
Matt: “I was thinking how funny this conversation was
going to be if you lost to the big boobied hypochondriac girl”
Steve: “why?”
Matt: Cause I’m funny, and I would have made a lot of
funny comments directed toward you
Steve: “uh huh”
Matt: (still more laughing)
Steve: Thinking of the funny stuff you would have
said
Matt: No, (lol now) laughing at the fact that I would
have said something funny.
Steve: Like what
Matt: No idea, but I imagine it would have been
side-splitting
Steve: Alright, so reason for calling.
Matt: Ok, your Rozelle Headband.
Steve: yes
Matt: NO ONE. I mean NO ONE will get that, except
dorks like me.
Steve: Doesn’t matter, I feel for one reason or
another, I feel that if one person gets it and understands it…than I’ve
done my job.
Cue the ice cream truck music.
The Kohl’s commercial with “ice cream man” By
Jonathan Richmond could quite possibly be the greatest song EVER about an
Ice Cream Man, granted, I don’t know any other ones but still…
I thank North Face for the warmest fuzzy sock cap
ever.
BMP thanks the duct tape at Ace Hardware for covering
up the logo on the warmest sock cap ever.
We deliberate in the team meeting
Veronica:” What we need to do is eat more Ice cream
than the Real Worlder’s"
Others say:
“We need to focus”
“We need teamwork to win”
“This is for $10,000”
“If we win this, we’ll get another $10,000”
10 pounds of ices cream with all the toppings, nuts,
cherries, whip cream, including some Theo crunch.
Ice cream, cleverly named, Ice Scream by those deemed
clever.
Pretty Simple rules:
1)
Eat everything, except the cherry stems.
2)
Don’t spit out anything.
Cara speaks…
(I’m channeling my old southern black
babysitter/nanny/surrogate mother Ruthie) MMMM Girl…Um…Cara why [Hard
Pause] (head rolling) does a black man’s snot have to be called caramel?
Hmmm….Ok, it’s one of those “You have to know her” or
“you had to be there” things to find it funny. I apologize.
I’ll fast foreword. Production wise, this mission
went faster than any other challenge we’ve done so far. No re-do’s in
terms of having Johnny to repeat the script 4 times and the fact that Real
Worlders and Road Rulers think of every single piece of crap to further
confuse the Mosely.
We eat. One bite at a time, this strategy is works
pretty well for the first 6 innings, we’re machines just taking one big
bite and getting to the back of the line
Quick Moment for some questions:
Steve, were you disgusted?
Nope, I’ve had fun soaking pigeon shit infested mud
for 8 hours. And I’ve been in a frat house 2nd floor bathroom
on more than numerous occasions, now those are disgusting. I have a
pretty strong stomach. There was one particular moment though I gagged.
One point I was in line and blindly took a monstrous bite into the Sundae
and didn’t get any ice cream, it was just fudge topping. Pure fudge, way
to rich I gagged but had my mouth closed, so it didn’t get anywhere. It
was one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever swallowed purely, up there
with the mini bottle of mayonnaise I had to eat in 5th grade on
a dare.
What’s snot taste like?
Not bad with caramel
Have you eaten ice cream since?
Only a couple times
What are sock caps for?
Keeping the hair out?
Does Generic Drano work just as well as the real
thing?
Yes.
So the RW’s, are beating us, but as my best friend
matt( again, not to be confused with RWNO Matt) likes to say when I’m
kicking his ass in madden in the 1st quarter,” This ain’t a
sprint, this here’s a marathon and I’m just warming up” and then
annoyingly, he pauses the game, gets up and then does stretching
exercises. I’m not making this up.
As the ice cream is losing more and more of it’s
apex, our girls are having a harder and harder time, leaning over the ice
bowl to reach the ice cream. The guys then take over the eating to
complete the mission. Veronica refuses to concede to the guys, because
it’s a team effort regardless of the fact cause Veronica is the shortest
person on the team and still tries to reach over every once in a while
still trying to reach for more ice cream.
There were two instances when Mike and Nathan call
for a disqualification. Abe apparently takes a bite and spits out the ice
cream when he gets in the back of the line. I didn’t see it. But it made
Mike erupt; he doesn’t lose his cool much so I’m thinking that something
did probably happen. A little later, they screamed again at Johnny to
disqualify us. No one saw it but them hence no disqualification.
As the ice cream/snot/loogie concoction steadily goes
down, we find ourselves catching up, and then beating the real worlders,
the sundae had no ice cream left, just cherries, stems, whip cream,
melted , caramel/fudge topping, and other body fluids.
Steve comes in. Back and forth, back in forth, side
to side. Like Unicron in Transformers the movie, the ice cream is my
earth. I finish it off.
The whistle blows.
“Guys, well done.”
Dave’s a Nerdy guy who eerily talks like my father.
A military Intelligence Officer who uses large multi-syllabic words of
which only .5% of the world knows, and then immediately followed by
“shit”, or “ass”
My personal favorite quote of the episode goes to
Katie,
“When a person goes into the gauntlet I think they
should be safe for a while …just ...out of like...respect.”
Katie goes into the gauntlet. Every one hoots and
hollers
Katie kicked Rachel’s ass in wrestling on The Quest
in Morocco, but that was Baby fat Rachel. She had the freshman 15, (plus
the 15 she took from her roommates and the weird Goth girl down the dorm
hall’s 15) thing going in for her at the time. This time young Daniel son
is ready for the Cobra Kai.
Rachel’s body and Katie’s body are totally different
now from when they faced off.
No Crush, but I have to say that Rachel could quite
possibly be the cutest, most adorable girl I’ve ever met.
Katie’s bags are packed and then she goes downstairs
and talks to her roommate about Pavlov and 19 century poetry. Ha ha, I’m
funny.
Katie leaves with a quaint,
“…Hopefully I’ll never see you again”
They cut out the end of the quote. I think she said.
“…but I probably will since we all hang out together and live next to each
other and hang out at the same spots we probably will.
Katie is now gone
It’s time to Party. Go matt! Go matt! It’s your
b-day. It’s so “good” to be “good”
Okay…I’ll admit it, I’m sorry world…I taught matt
those moves…
Now, I bring you the “Ice Cream Man” lyrics.
Well now, ice cream man, (ice cream man) upon my street
I heard your truck outside, (ice cream man) it's really neat
Ice cream man, (ice cream man) upon my block
Your little chimes,they reel and they rock
Ice cream man,(ice cream man) ring your bell (ding ding)
Play the music (ice cream ...) I've (... man) learned to love so well
(ding ding)
Ice cream man, (ice cream man) ring your chimes (ding ding)
In the afternoon so fine.
Ice cream man, (ice cream man) upon my street
I heard your truck today, it was a-neat, a-neat, a-neat
Ice cream man, (ice cream man) upon my block now,
Your chimes, (your chimes they reel and rock)
Now, ice cream man, (ice cream man) upon my street
Your little truck, you know, (ice cream man) is a-neat, neat
And ice cream man, (ice cream man) upon my block,
I heard your chimes, I know they reel and they rock
Ice cream man, (ice cream man) on my street
Your little truck, you know, is a-neat, a-neat, a-neat
Ice cream man, (ice cream man) upon my block,
Your chimes, (your chimes, they reel and rock)
Ice cream man, (ice cream man) upon my street,
You heard your truck today, it's (ice cream man ) neat, neat
Ice cream man, (ice cream man) ring your chimes
In the afternoon so fine.
Shortly after the episode I checked my email:
Steve,
This isn't a question about the Challenge, but I just wanted to give you
props for wearing the Jim McMahon "Rozelle" headband when you arrived for
the Gauntlet. That's all.
Jeff D______
University of Illinois, Bears Fan
One guy, that’s all that I needed…. |
