So I’ve officially banned rubber bands from ms. B’s first grade class.

I’ve had them many a time.  Actually I haven’t.  Just PE and combination classes.  I know the kids though for the most part.  One came to another class that I was subbing to give me a present. It was four pieces of random paper. 

Child: “I got you a puzzle”

Me: “what is it?”

Child: “a puzzle, you put them together and it forms something

Me: I see

Now, I don’t see.  There were no interlocking pieces, no straight edges giving any indication that these 4 pieces of paper would morph into an object of any sort.

Child: you’re doing it wrong.

Me: sorry

 My dexterity and simple knowledge of angles and construction paper is dwindling.  The young blonde hair, green eyed child puts one paper over another. And winds up with a figure that looks like this.

Me: why thank you. What is it?

Child: Duh, it’s a bat.

Me: Ah, I see.  It’s pretty obvious now.  But how come you only used three pieces?

Child: It was a trick puzzle.

Me: but of course.

Child: And you know what; guess what it turns into when you turn it upside down?

Me: a sleeping bat?

Child: You shouldn’t use obscure references to a bats sleep pattern, after all I am only 6 years old and don’t find it to be in the least bit humorous.

Me: I’m sorry.  I’ll be serious.  I look at the figure upside down.

Me: dunno

Child: duh.  It’s a scorpion. 

Rubber bands have been banned.  Apparently with the sub yesterday, one of the little boys figured out a third function.  The first being to hold things, the second to flick girls and the third, the ability to launch projectiles, more specifically broken crayons, across the room at breathtaking velocities at certain females.  

To a 6 year old.  This discovery is as equivalent, to them, as finding a cure for cancer or finding existing life on another planet.  That is until they discover that rubber cement makes the best artificial flicking boogers, but that’s a good two years from that unearthing. 

But of course. 

So yes.  I’m familiar with this class before.  I will have them for two days.  One thing about kids at that age, as lovable and cute as they are.  Is that they’re dirty and love to fart.  It’s apparent.  Sticky fingers they have.  Especially after peanut butter and jelly.  After lunch they manage to get it over every part of their bodies.  Mainly on the fingers and lips area.  During lunch napkins are only used as projectiles.

It is then when I pick them up at the cafeteria I have to avoid two things.  The head to crotch head-butt slam.  It’s been a whole half hour since these munchkins (it’s an endearing reference) and they miss me so.  So they all run.  as hard as they can to hug me.  I stiff arm one or two out of the way, but there are too many.  Way to many of them, I’m outnumbered and enveloped by a medley of Smuckers and jiff.  Little jelly covered handprints on my shirt, I’ve actually seen one child hug me, con jelly covered mouth and then proceeds to instinctively wipe his mouth on my shirt.

Oh, later in the day I had to band shoe-tossing.  When I asked why they were tossing their shoes in the girls direction they simply said,” Cause you took away all the rubber bands.  What else are we supposed to use?”