What do when you lose a malik?  

Don’t panic.  He probably hasn’t wandered off to far.

Do not sedate and tag him!

If you see and find a malik.  You have several options.  If he is at a college or university.  More than likely there is a 90% chance that there is another one of us reality TV people with him. I have been with malik on three such occasions.  And in all three occasions there was an MMI, malik missing incident.  Malik is the world’s nicest guy and will wonder.  But please inform the rest of the  people or at least one that malik will be leaving.  Cause malik won’t tell us.  Normally we don’t care if it’s after the speech or presentation but before we have to be a little worried. He doesn’t have a cell phone, and leaves his two way pager on, though it’s always on the charger in the hotel room. Or a couple times I’ve had it, and I have no idea why.

For those who love to wear the J-lo velour suites.  Please, honestly stop.  Okay you can keep wearing them, but if you are wearing them in public and I’m around, you will get a picture taken, it’s like mullets for other people.  Wondering how these things look good on people.  For those who have one.  Look through old family photos of the late 80’s and early 90’s of your grandparents and maybe parents.  And the whole running suit thing, and how ridiculous how you’re overly obese uncle Charlie is wearing one with high tops.  Now go over and put your velour suit on and look in the mirror….it’s the same thing.  Carefully put the suit down and take two steps back.

Again.  Can anyone tell me the name of the sitcom starring Lou Alzedo as an ex-football player turned wrestler slash father for a teenage daughter, I’m giggling inside.  That’s funny.  He wore a mask to protect his identity and because of contracts he was only allowed to use NWA wrestlers.  Help me please

I’m getting bored people.  Please email me in the mailbox, I haven’t gotten a good question in a while.  Be creative, hell never mind, you can just say hi.

Last week I was in New Rochelle , home of Iona College , and a random girl came up to me and asked if I wanted to go on spring break with her and her friends.

Don’t know if I mentioned this before, but basically here is my Rule number one in American Idol. Never ever ever cover a song that you cannot out possibly sing as well if not better than, the original person.  That will leave out all songs by Pat Benetar, Steve Perry/journey, Joe Cocker, Freddy Mercury, Late 20’s Whitney Houston, Christina Aguilara and most of Bette Midler’s stuff.  These people have one in a lifetime voices and each have at least two or three songs where if sung, you stop whatever your doing, sans working heavy equipment, and you just listen in awe with jaws dropped.  Please, don’t try to compete.  Two people that I know of have already broken the rule with Steve Perry and Pat.

March 27^th is coming up, and so is March Madness, Wayne Simean, please spend some more time in the Hot Tub and get some more electroshock therapy.  We need you man.  Rock Chalk.  Number 1 seed guys.  

Got to love the Big 12.  Don’t you.  I predict 3 in the Elite 8.  Two in the final four.  I still have love for the sec but I’m sorry, I was in Kansas too long.  

Job searching sucks.  3 weeks in NY, no jobs.  Hell yes.

Why haven’t anyone told me of  “adult swim” on the cartoon network.  They have a show about a hamburger patty, a floating soft drink, and a huge bag of friends. Add the hairy neighbor and special guest appearances; this week was “ Danzig ” just adds up to pure comic genius.

Michael Jackson is doing more and more to try to solidify himself as a normal human being, I think he’s somewhat being successful, but after recalling the trash talking he gave to bubbles.  It had me wondering

“…he began to be like a teenager and rebel”

“Yes, I trained him to use the toilet”

Michael went on for quite a bit, he seemed like a pissed off father who didn’t want to talk about the black sheep err chimpanzee of the family.  If you get a chance, try to find a tape and just listen to Michael repeat chimpanzee.  It’s gold.

Michael gets to defend himself and blast the reporter.

The reporter now gets to defend himself again and blast Michael.