March 31, 2003

Some call me a space cowboy.  Some call me the gangster of love some call me “Yo Steve”(guitar whammy) and some people should just call my ass genius.  Or something similar.

Yes.  I can hearken back in the day When KU was ranked number 2 in the preseason. And then suddenly the boat was rocked.  Its course went through the bumpy waters of Oregon , and docked into the phog with a 3-3 record. 

“Fear not” I said, because that’s the way I really talk, all regal and such.  For I had confidence.  We had an All-American out for those games(Kurt Heinrich).  It doesn’t mean anything.  When he’s healthy, with the addition of the man child that is Wayne Simian, Kansas was sure to get to the final four.  Not only was I in the wagon, but I was the mother ------- lead guitarist biatch.  I wasn’t going to jump off.  Hell no. Especially with the bumpy potholes in NYC they’re deep, I could sprain an ankle.

“Wait till the finals, we’re still going to be in it”

“Pshaw! Whateva! We suck! Kansas sucks!” they would bellow.  Tears would come to my eye not because they were teasing me, but that I had seen that the devil had possessed them and I felt sorry for them pointy tail and all.  But I looked to the air and saw the glimmer of light that was shining through the phog at Allen field house.  Hinrich was healthy again.

“We have no bench” they’d say.

“Be gone simple mortal” I’d spout

“ Graves is fat”

“As long as simians in, we don’t have to worry about graves” I’d smile.

It’s true.

Then he got injured.  Mr. Simian.  It was heartbreaking.  Who would replace him?  We’d be in Grave(s) danger indeed.

And he left us….there was no Jake, by Jake I mean Wayne ….just the fat man.  He’s the one.  The one guy that every Kansas fan will pick on.  The token thug that gives all basketball fans shiver when they see him out in Lawrence .  Graves .

He pisses everyone.  First he came in from Junior college, of which KU fans aren’t particularly found of and second he came in fat, like Big Pun fat, and we’re hoping he doesn’t take his jersey off during spring break victories.  But it’s the thug factor and discipline that people are afraid of.  Even though they won’t say it.

“Thug factor” it affects all programs.  FSU and Neb football have it.  UNLV, Memphis , and Fresno State still have it.  You know it when they see it.  You can see it in the players eyes, or in the cause of Fresno state a few years ago with they’re felony counts(if I’m not mistaken a Tarkanian-led Fresno state had 7 guys with criminal records on one team) you can see the drugs, or arrests, or “rage” that’s in the players.  The demeanor.  Some programs such as Duke or Stanford are spotless against them, but they have Mark Madsen and Cherokee Parks to make fun of to make up for it.  But we love to cheer against them, the brash the arrogant.  But every once in a while one will land on your team.  And as a fan you get scared. Umass? UCLA? UConn? Michigan ? They all know what I’m talking ‘bout ‘bout. One guy ruins it for everyone.

Not that he’s a bad guy, but you have to question things.  “He’s the guy that could put us on probation” kind of thought.  Williams runs a clean program or tries too.  He’d never dare violate recruiting or undermine anyone, but he can’t control his players all the time.  And it seems that one player every tenure seems to be able to put KU on the probation block. 

Lester Earl was KU’s Late 90’s guy.  He was from Louisiana , he had a custom made Tahoe, with a speaker system that was installed/bought/donated by Master P.  An High school all-American god. He went to LSU, and when they got into trouble with the NCAA he fled to KU miraculously unscathed.  But brought many of the things that put fear in the future of the program. I witnessed some of these events visiting my friends many times in “The Towers” KU’s athletic dorms.  They’re not supposed to say that they are but for all purposes they are.  Here you’d see a guy, from the projects with a $40,000 automobile. When the year before you’d see Scott pollards ’84 Oldsmobile with the huge hole in the vinyl roof he cut out, or four year later watching collision drive his minivan to the parking lot.  Here would be Lester, pimping outside, smoking, drinking, by his Tahoe waiting to kick the ass of the guy who apparently backed up into his car , barely marking it. But he wanted to speak works with this guy, he unfolded a blanket and sat as if he was on a picnic. And he did wait, for three hours.  I witnessed it.  Lester was kicked off the team after a drunken driving charge, and rid himself of anything possibly bigger. 

Many felt Graves was the replacement to Earl.

But I was wrong.  He seemed work hard and even flourish as Wayne left the season for good.  He contacted jenny Craig and Roy Williams bitch slapped a 5^th grader worth of fat off of him, and started rebounding and scoring.  He won me over little by little, he still gives me a heart attack sometimes, but his % of getting one has significantly reduced since January.

Once again.  There’s a possibility that KU will play Texas for the third time this year.  Every time they play each other in Football or Basketball my friend Kevin and I talk.  We try to call each other and talk smack.  Yes I agree that Ford is the best player in the country.  But no the best team.

Its now not us that has the problem, it’s Marquette, with the skinny little white point guard who shoots threes as much as Mary j Blige used to, who is….They’re in Grave Danger.   My Prediction: Kansas 82-75

And yes I know I’m not a good sportswriter.  You can shoot me.  But don’t let it be the skinny little point guard though…he’ll actually make it.