-So again, my internet line has been down for another 5 days.  When my roommate called the people who are like Horizon, we got this message and I am not making this up. 

“We are currently experiencing technical difficulties with our proxy servers and updating it with the current windows software.  If you are experiencing problems trying to connect online, you can go to Microsoft.com and download the windows update for XP to help alleviate this problem...”

 We then called again just to see if they were playing a joke or if they were serious in giving this advice, sure enough, it was the same message.

 -In touch magazine’s crossword puzzle this week, “Hit show on the WB”.  I laughed out loud.

 -I remembered a little story that Dave from RR12 told me the day after he came back from getting his tickets at the VMA’s this is classic.

 Dave: I met Dave Atell Steve. It’s was great

Steve: Really, cool. I love his show.  He’d be a cool guy to meet. How’d you meet him?

Dave: I kind of went up to him and said,”Hey Dave, I love your show.  I’m also Dave”

Steve:  Imaginative.  Then what did he say to you?

Dave: “Wow, that’s so not interesting. (In a Dave Atell kind of way.)  Why are you getting tickets?”

Steve: And?

Dave: Well, I’m on this year's Road Rules

Steve: Name dropping really doesn’t help when talking with celebrities Dave

Dave: Yeah and then I said,”I’m staying with Steve from the Quest” and then he said                                                     immediately “ Heeeeeee’s a faaaaaag”

Steve: Figured

Dave: He then walked away and said, “Hey, good luck on the challenge” it was pretty cool.

 This just reinforces that name dropping a reality TV person is basically like saying, ”Please kick me in the crotch please.”.

 It takes an animal of great testicular fortitude to live in the NYC area to hate the Yankees. Thank goodness I wear a cup.  Being in the area actually makes my disdain for the Yankees multiply in enormous fashion.  Being in the eye of the storm one has to become wittier, more emphatic, and more passionate when arguing for your hatred of the Yankees.  You have to be on guard for any snide remark, comment or judgment.  It makes you sharper, more acute, more ready and prepared for the kill.  In the end, if you win your argument, the Yankee supporter will come back with the ever so clever,” Well, whose won the world series the most the last 5 years?” or “Oh, yeah, who cares.  We’re the best.” God I Hate the Yankees.

 -I received an outstanding amount of emails about Transformers: The Movie being available on DVD more than any other topic I’ve ever written about.  Some of you simply told me it was available, others send me links on where I can purchase it and for what price.  Some told me their stories of buying for their husbands and others got sentimental explaining how “You got the Touch” still tugs at the ol’ heart strings.  I don’t know whether to encourage you to go outdoors more or invite you over to my apt for a Thundercats marathon.  A couple more readers had a more than a few choice words about Transformers: Armada, quite possibly the worst cartoon sequel ever, in terms of continuity, story and the chu-du-chu-du Transformer noise they make when they transform.  I will have to vent later.

 -Now I’m thinking about Robotech: Generation 1 and 3.  What the hell were the guys thinking when they were doing generation 2? Such a WTF thought that lasts for 20 or 30 something episodes.  Consequently, maybe the worst segment break of any great cartoon or movie that’s up there with the drunken segment with the pachyderms in Dumbo  and the claymation burger doing the Eddie Van Halen guitar solo in Better of Dead

-On the other hand, could Vh1’s “I love the 80’s: The 80’s strikes back” possibly be the best TV series sequel ever?

-I’m still befuddled about Dave Matthews going solo and temporarily Departing from the Dave Matthews Band does this make since.  Didn’t he take a lesson from Jon Bon Jovi when he left Bon Jovi?  Seriously. Are you allowed to even do such a thing? What exactly is the point of leaving a band that’s named after your own name? Your name is  the Band.  Granted I’ve never been in a band, but I would assume they would have a tiny part in terms of creative control in terms of music development.  Do you think they give any first-person quotes like “I wanted Dave Matthews to be able to write and perform the music that he wasn’t able to do in The Dave Matthews Band” or “I wanted to see what kind of direction Jon Bon Jovi could do that Bon Jovi couldn’t”?  “Midnight in Chelsea” is all he could muster.  I don’t understand. 

-The J-lo jumpsuits: Yes, I’m still opposed to them.  Reason 1: It reminds me of the jogging suits that took grandparents by storm in the early 1990’s. Reason 2: The Seinfeld episode where George’s girlfriend doesn’t care if he ever wore sweats out on a date with her, and then continued by saying, “You could dress yourself in velvet for all I care.” Two segments later, you see George arrive at Tom’s Restaurant in velvet sweats.  Imagine that picture next time you wear them.

-Is it law when you play the McDonalds Monopoly game you automatically have to throw away Baltic Avenue when you tear it off?

-Some things we eventually grow out of or evolve.  I don’t find the Cosby show the bit of genius I thought it was when I was 8, but still think people falling and getting hit in the crotch is funnier than 80% of anything I can write.  This leads me to the shear enjoyment I still get when I get l that ultra- long French fry in my value meal.  I don’t ever think that’ll ever fade away. 

-Which would be worse to see your sister or daughter in: Girls Gone Wild or Dismissed?

-My Pay per view is offering a bodybuilding event for purchase….Um…Er…I can’t even think of anything to comment on this.

-I think Fox’s “More crazy car chases” series should have stopped after the first one.  I watch these over and over, but honestly.  Do they even think they can come close to matching the excitement over the first one?  The one where the guy on the motorcycle runs a red light, and barrels through the side of a semi-trailer, bounces off, and then tries to run away and escape is a floor roller.  But honestly, the final chase is simply amazing. 

The Tank Chase:

 Can you ever top that? And you know exactly what I’m talking about.  I think with current technology and security that it’ll be nearly, if not completely, impossible.  Jackie Chan’s “Rumble in the Bronx” Hovercraft chase scene can’t even come close to this. How can you come close to a Tank rumbling down the neighborhoods trampling over neighborhood cars and then onto an interstate rumbling at 45 miles per hour followed by an armada of police cars than can do absolutely nothing? You can’t. Maybe if something involving the Oscar Meyer Weiner-mobile and crashing into a Heinz catsup factory or falling off a cliff and landing into a hot spring, but even then, it’ll still be tough.

-Celebrities Uncensored 11:  Are they still calling themselves specials or a series.  I think after 10 you should call yourself a series.  And seriously, I’ve only watched bits and pieces of them, but it seems to me is that they’re struggling once they got into the double digits?  They’re going down the parallel path in the Real Sex series on HBO.  By real sex 35 basically you find out that your 65 year old great uncle in Montana likes nipple clamps.  What will CU 25 entail?  David Faustino and Ben from Growing pains going to make an appearance stalking the paparazzi to actually get on tape?

-I need a life.

-Coyote Ugly: I still haven’t seen it. Therefore it is still is the greatest movie of all time.

-For some reason, I just remembered the Snorkels, and the episode when the kids went up to the surface and peered onto the land and saw a Smurf.  The Smurf makes eye contact with them, both sides freak out and then the snorkels retreat back into the water….

I've just been corrected...they are Snorks.

-One of the most pointless things ever to do at a baseball game that I see all the time.  Having the red eye flash option turned on.  I know now your going to look for them next major sporting event you attend.

The current hat wearing fad:  I can’t figure out which is more annoying to the baseball hat diehard: The straight brim or the accompanying holographic sticker.